2010…And You Thought It’s Over?

   Rambling about 2010 and what is to come in 2011…
Gosh, this year 2010 was quite a year indeed, from beginning to end! So many hard lessons as well so many tears.

This is my 2010’s review:

First, January/February 2010 started with spiritual discoveries.. new energies. It was a time of joy and deep understanding of everything I encountered with, through 2009.

March 2010, I learn about the damages that earthbound spirits can do, specially when it relate to immature people. Consequently, it caused for me to end a friendship that no longer was enhancing my soul. It was indeed a time for me to wit out who is no longer working in the light……because for them, it was more fun to work in the DRAMA of it, than finding an understanding through it. I am grateful of this happened, because through it, I found my own healing light. Consequently, I walked away from other people’s drama and for it, I am so glad that for once, I paid attention to spirit on this matter.

April 2010, tragedy stroke my life in so many levels. At the beginning of this month, I was involve in a car accident from which the lost  of a life came as a result of it.  Despite I survived it, I faced not only the physical pain from it,  but the most outrage anger and injustice of others towards me.  I have lived dark times in my lifetime, but this event indeed was the top of it, as the worst…..because this event took me to consider suicide.

I looked back to those days, and I feel deep shame, that someone like me that used to be so full of life and loving life, I almost end my own for the pain I was living. All I can say, I am glad I didn’t, because it would be a terrible waste indeed…

It was during this time, that I found who was the real friends…

For months, I wondered…. why I didn’t die during that tragic car accident?  Why I was spare to face this hell around me?. It took a while for me to make peace with it, but the most hardest part, was for me to find peace within me. I am Thankful that during this time, I found myself through spirituality, that gave me the strength to keep on living. I know, God spared me because he has greatest plans with me and that keeps me going, to see what is next in my life.

May 2010, when thought that everything will be ok, everything turn wrong around me. My husband was forced to face the reality of today’s economy, almost forcing him to close his restaurant after 45 years in business. This not only affected me but the whole family. Despite that, he tried his best to keep it going the best he could, up to the final closing day in later months.

August 2010, going through the stress to almost loosing my job. These were days  in which everything that happened since April, resulted in suffering of a deep depression. It made me to drop on my knees and asked again for God to help me, because I needed intervention. I must said that helped did came, didn’t loose my job and neither my income, but in the process I became victim of much injustice and conspiracies… I know this will pass somehow…someday..

As months passed, facing to loose everything came upon me..

October 2010, I came to terms of letting go of everything that reminded me pain. I was looking at everything I have accumulated since 1993 and decided to get rid of it for good. I cried through this entire cleansing, because it opened so many past wounds. On this month, I gave away all the furniture I purchased and brought with me from Germany, because it reminded me of ex-husband. A man that managed to almost destroy me emotionally.

I got rid off of the things I acquired from all the countries I have visited, I just saw it as lifeless things that no longer keep their splendor. I found letters from ex-hubby…. its amazing that the letters starting very loving the first years and full of hate at the end of the marriage. As I read a couple of them, I took a deep breath and realized that is a life experience done and gone, as I exhale… I felt the release of letting go of that part of me.

Though this cleansing, I went through my closet and saw all the clothes that I no longer use, due to no longer fit me but I keep thinking that one day they will… alone with it, I found my military uniforms from 20 years back to present. I was glad to put everything in plastic bags and tossed it on the streets for the garbage man. I didn’t have the heart to give away those clothes to others, thinking that who ever get it, will have my misfortune as well….the garbage man came later on with his family and loaded all the bags in his car…hope nothing but happiness for them.

November 2010, Time to face reality…. This have become a month in which forced me to take a deep look at my job. It’s obvious that I won’t be able to keep my old job, due too much pain and emotional stress. It’s time to move on and perhaps try something new that doesn’t require to use an uniform or better yet, relocate away from the entire state.

December 2010, facing the ultimate in letting go of what no longer works in my life……marriage. We both have hold tight to the relationship despite we know deep inside is not working for both of us.

 Little by little and day by day, we let go of each other as we go..

However, its time to let go in separate ways and face life alone. I don’t know if he is ready for it, but I know I am. I realized that I can’t hold tight to someone that have to find himself and refuse to do so. I can’t keep going living someone's karma alone with mine.

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I look at all I have being through in 2010 and believe me, it takes guts to share a part of my life with anyone that might stumble on this blog. The way I look at it.. we ALL mirrors of each other. Some of you might have live this already, some of you are glad that haven’t live this at all, or perhaps like me… some of you may wonder what is next.. I only hope that you understand that despite all the bad things we go through life, we have to keep on living…because not everything is bad.. there are moments of joy worth living for..

2010, was a year of lessons, trials, tears, self-discovery, physical losses and letting go of what no longer worked in my life...but above all, in this year I have learn forgiveness in all levels. Sometimes we have to forgive the events that happen in our lives, as well forgive ourselves for the feelings and actions we put through those events.

I know its not over….

2011, will be a year of challenges, survival, triumphs and more let go of what is not enhancing my soul.. but sure I know, it will be a lot better than 2010 and that alone, keeps me going to see what is next.. 

Love and Light Everyone!